I am going to allow myself to be vulnerable and share my personal experiences with burnout and vicarious trauma. It resonated with me when Brene Brown said “we can’t practice compassion with other people if we can’t treat ourselves kindly” in her TED talk ‘the power of vulnerability’ (TED, 2010).
Personally, in my career I have experienced burn-out or vicarious trauma quite a few times. The first time I experienced burnout I had been kicked out of home after my Mother passed away and was living in over-crowded conditions, in a domestically violent relationship, and surrounded by drug and alcohol abuse – yet I continued to go to work full-time as a special need’s education assistant. Three months after she passed away, I hit a wall and I could not function at work anymore, my ‘together’ façade rapidly fell apart, as did my relationship. My work didn’t call me in for any more shifts and I found myself sleeping in my car with my dog. My life stresses sacrificed my position.
The second and third times I hit the wall, it was unknown to me at the time that I was experiencing vicarious trauma. I was working with children in Out of Home care and women at a shelter. Clients had shared stories with me that triggered a whirlwind of reactions. I started smoking again after quitting for nearly a year and I started driving recklessly. I even dabbled in illicit substances. All this while trying to juggle a 60-hour work week and studying full-time. I described my experience to friends as “like I am going back in time to a former version of myself”, my friends urged me to take time off work but I prevailed fearing I would fail my superiors. Eventually my struggles were noticed by my employers and accommodated for – I was given leave.
The fourth time was late last year. I had just done a 6-month stint of 132-hour work weeks with high needs clients in a tier one residential group home. I was working by myself and had a few traumatic experiences, I had one individual in my care who would break the window into my bedroom while I was sleeping, and another who threatened me with a knife a few times. I had 7 different children in 6 months. As I grew attached, they were moved on, a constant cycle of grief and loss. It was a 24/7 gig of pouring my heart and soul into their lives only to never see them again. In the midst of my employment my partner of 7 years and I separated, and in the same week an incident happened between two children that was a personal trigger for me. I had, however, learned from my previous experiences that I could not “practice compassion” if I did not first treat myself “kindly” and I took a few days leave. It made all the difference and I was able to return to my job without impacting my clients and while being kind to myself.
Self-care is the most important thing to do when working with the community, but is sadly the first thing we neglect. As Brene Brown said “what [makes us] vulnerable [makes us] beautiful” (TED, 2010). My experiences and struggles in the work place have taught me to prioritize myself. I now have a daily self-care routine and know when to take a break – a habit I hope to continue explore well into my career as a Social Worker.
References:
TED (2010). The Power of Vulnerability. Available at: https://www.ted.com/talks/brene_brown_on_vulnerability?language=en [Accessed 26 Feb. 2019].
The Whispering Wayfarer 